TRIBUTE TO A LEGEND

Lost in all of last week's boo-hooing over Jacko / Billy Mays / Oscar Meyer was the passing of a real legend. It's been a week now, and nobody here at Top Ten has mentioned it, so allow me to take a quick minute to pay tribute. Last Saturday, while he was innocently napping on the coach, Steve LaTreal McNair (1973-2009) was shot four times (2x head / 2x chest) by his whacko Iranian girlfriend, and died in Nashville, TN.

Let's make one thing clear - McNair was very annoying in real life. But in the Madden Universe - where dreams come true - there was no better field general, no better QB, no better 1st round pick, no better anchor to any team. In several "franchise" seasons between 2002-2006, "Air" McNair was not only an ironman for my Miami Dolphins, but he was also a recurring visitor in opponents' nightmares. Throughout the roller coaster of countless wins and (few) heartbreaking defeats, McNair never once missed practice, demanded a trade, killed any dogs, or dropped my team's moral levels.

So let this be a lesson to all you single guys and engaged webmasters. If you're gonna cheat on your crabby wife, try not to do it with a teenage psychopath. We'll miss you, Steve. Let the Madden Gods always honor your #9 in the Madden Hall of Fame. From this day forward, I will never play with the Dolphins again.

Enjoy these memories:

BUFFOON!!!

2008 CHAMPION

So it turns out that the 3rd time was a charm.

Congratulations.

In one of the most amazing RMU Bowls ever, Team $ defeated the TOMMY GUNS for the first time in 3 chances at glory. 119-97. Thanks to 2 long touchdown connections, Drew Brees AND Marques Colston were named co-MVPs. The T-Guns were heavy favorites, but uncharacteristically bumbled through Sunday by benching LJ for....DeShaun Foster? Certainly, a coaching blunder that will never be forgotten. Even though Andre Johnson was shut down (1 pt), the rest of $ proved they were a complete team, and rallied behind their leader. This marks the FIRST ring for GM Bupka, and the first time the Guns/Straps were finally pushed around in 7 long years. At long last, has order finally been restored to this league?



Not since the 2007 NY Giants have we seen such a historical, gigantical, monumental win. The whole world = stunned. Our very own Bonnie Bernstein caught up with the owner after the game:

First of all, I want to thank Mr. Foster! In what could be one of the worst coaching moves of all time, The Commish decided to start a bum who did not see any PT all year over Mr. Spits and his automatic one touchdown a game. Could not have done it without you! Anyways, I just want to thank my team and GM. See, not only did I have have the best draft of the year, I also had the best team chemistry. When everyone was reading every Matthew Berry posting and changing their rosters every week, I was building team chemistry. My brilliance as a GM shined this year. Who had the least moves on the waiver wire? ME! Who pulled off the best trade since the Cowboys/Viking trade of 89? ME! When I was picked to miss the playoffs, that lit a fire under my teams ass. I guess with the talent I had, it would of been hard for me to lose. But none the less, thats why you play the game. Now to my shout-outs! I want to give a shout-out to my team mascot, Jamele White aka Urkel. Thanks for the support. T.O., I did give you the ball and I love some of you too. To Mr. Scareface himself, thanks for being so dominate. To Sammy Morris, thanks for filling in during the playoffs. To all of the competitors, thanks for losing. To the Commish, thanks for all the "kind" words. I am not a man of many words, but I will leave you with one last this. "You play to win the game, Hello!" And that I did! See ya'll losers next year!

I'M GOING TO DISNEYLAND!!!!

Jarrod "The Brain" Bupka

On a special note, congrats to Team $ on their first ever trophy. This is the 3rd-biggest win of Owner J. Benjamin Bupka's career ('03 IM basketball, '07 PSL softball). Despite all the groans from this Commissioner's Office, the changing of your team name was HUUUGE and it rallied your troops to victory. I've said all along that you always draft an amazing team, but you've never been able to put it all together. This year, you got the monkey of your back, just like Cowher Power. You deserve the trophy at last. Good work. Also - smaller congrats to rookie GM Porter on earning the Bronze medal in his 1st season. Congrats to everyone for making this season possible, and our best yet.

Keep checking back throughout the year, as we'll try to post offseason drama stories. The latest breaking news: The Associated Press reports that an old friend just won his 2008 Candian League Fantasy Grey Cup. Could 2009 see the return from this guy?




Wow.


Until next time, we'll leave you on this note:

RMU BOWL VII

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RMU BOWL VII
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$ (9-6) vs. TOMMY GUNS (11-3)
Sunday 1:00 PM
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa Bay FL
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Yahoo line: TOMMY GUNS (-7.0)
Vegas line: TOMMY GUNS (-5.5)
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Year in and year out, the same question gets asked during the 3rd week of December. Will there finally be a NEW member in the Champions Club, or will one of the forefathers keep adding to their trophy case? And for 4 straight years now, the answer as been a resounding "NO." This year though, an interesting thing happened on the way to destiny. The Straps of the Jock, who have won the RMU BOWL every odd year ('02, '04, '06), just couldn't make it back to the '08 championship. So it appears the trends are beginning to fall apart afterall. For Team $, they've been in this position two times before....and each time they went home with heart-breaking losses to the TOMMY GUNS. Is the third time a charm???? For the TOMMY GUNS, it's not just another notch on the ole belt. This is a chance to be the all-time historic leader with 4 Trophies. A win would give Dan Rooney a reason to answer his calls. After all the draft hype, pre-season ranks, mid-season analysis, and post-season squabbling...quite simply.....this is the biggest moment of the year.



10 REASONS WHY THE TOMMY GUNS WILL WIN:
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1. One for the Pointer Finger
2. One for the Middle Finger
3. One for the Ring Finger
4. Highest Scoring Team in the League
6. Genius Coaching
7. Calvin Johnson
7. Already 2-0 versus $ this year, and 2-0 vs him in previous RMU BOWLS
8. Everyone loves back-to-back champs
9. All-time postseason record: 9-3
10. All-time RMU BOWL record: 3-0


10 REASONS WHY $ WILL WIN:
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1. Captain Drew Brees
2. Nasty wideouts
3. This is apparently the year of Change, Hope, etc.
4. Third time's a charm.
5. He is The People's Champ
6. The Giants beat the "invincible" Patriots in SB42
7. Even Urkel became Stefan eventually
8. They have the last word with 3 guys on Monday Night
9. He already has a 16-0 lead.
10. His balls are massive.





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THE PICKS
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CHRIS "BOOM" BERMAN --- Tommy Guns
IRON MIKE DITKA --- $
KEYSHAWN MARTHA STEWART JOHNSON --- $
MORT --- $
TOM "TJ" JACKSON --- Tommy Guns
STEVE CZABAN -- Tommy Guns
MAX KELLERMAN -- $
DIS-EMBODIED VOICE -- Tommy Guns
SEAN SALISBURY -- $
ARTIE LANGE -- $
SAL -- $
RICHARD -- Tommy Guns
DR. SKIP BAYLISS -- Tommy Guns
T.O. - Drew Brees is gay...
SAAD HAROON CHAUDHRY -- $
ERIN ANDREWS -- Tommy Guns
DANIEL PLAINVIEW -- Tommy Guns drinks your milkshake.
WILL LAIRD COWHER -- Tommy Guns
SANTA -- Tommy Guns
SENATOR JOHN MCCAIN -- Tommy Guns
SENATOR a.k.a. "PRESIDENT ELECT" NOBAMA -- $
DAVID CARUSO -- Horatio, it looks like $.....can't buy happiness......YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
ELI MANNING -- Tommy Guns ALL THE WAY
MARLENA MUSSELMAN -- Tommy Guns
DICK VITALE -- $, baby!
RYAN PORTER -- $
3-TIME CHAMPION CHADWICK THUNDER REILLY -- Tommy Guns
MIKE FLORIO -- Tommy Guns
THE CAST OF ESPN'S PLAYMAKERS -- $
BRUCE "THE DARK KNIGHT" WAYNE -- Tommy Guns
BEANO COOK -- $
JOHN KULASA -- $
YUENGLING TRADITIONAL LAGER -- Tommy Guns




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QUARTERBACKS
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Jay Cutler vs. Drew Brees
Both QB's have been absolute Commanders-in-Chief for their teams this year. Drews Brees is the poster boy for $, because they win when he wins and they stink when he stinks. Brees is arguably the NFL MVP, and he gets to go to "Opposition Heaven" this weekend. No weather. No defense. 30 points is not out of the realm of possibility, but this commish wonders if they'll NEED to throw if they're up 28-0 at halftime. For, Cutler he's been the saving grace for a TOMMY GUNS team that took a lot of chances on draft day. Cutler has the ability to also carry his team, and he also hosts a miserable defense (Bills) on Sunday. This won't be a blow out, but Brees and his 3+ touchdowns will probably take it.
ADVANTAGE: $




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RUNNING BACKS
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Steve Slaton / Larry Johnson vs. Maurice Jones-Drew / Sammy Morris
Some smash, some dash, but no real advantage here. Slaton and Mojo-D have been playing lights out over the past few weeks. My sources say that Mojo-D should be good for about 16 points this weekend. That should be good enough for Slaton to answer (vs. Oakland). The riskier bet in this matchup is LJ vs Sammy Morris. They are both capable of 2TD afternoons.....or 3-point afternoons. I notice that both backs will be playing in the frigid cold this weekend: LJ up against a staunch Miami defense, while Morris --- who has been hot --- gets a suspect Cards D in Foxboro.
ADVANTAGE: $



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WIDE RECEIVERS
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Randy Moss / Calvin Johnson / Rowdy Roddy White vs. Andre Johnson, Greg Jennings, Marques Colston
Here at RMU SEASON VII, we do not disappoint. So when the league's finest 6 receivers (7 if you count T.O.) are participating in RMU BOWL VII, you know the razzle and dazzle will be there too. Because of these 6 freaks of nature, the Guns and $ were able to score 100+ per week, and it's pretty easy to figure out how they went 1-2 in scoring this year. There's no way we can disrespect one over the other, as all of them are capable of 150+ and several touchdowns. WOW. That's sick.
ADVANTAGE: PUSH




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FLEXERS
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Kevin Smith vs. Terrell "I Love Me Some Me" Owens
Nobody will ever question that T.O. is more explosive, but we'll leave that discussion for the casual Sportscenter fan. The REAL fans know its all about matchups, and Team Obliterator goes up agaisnt Sam Rolle, Ed Reed, and that nasty Balti defense. He might get a few balls, but they will be in his head all night. UCF's Kevin Smith has been getting 20-25 touches over the past 3-4 weeks, and goes up against a lousy Saints defense. Since TNT is the place for drama, allow me to go with the potential.
ADVANTAGE: TOMMY GUNS




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TIGHT ENDS
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Chris Cooley vs. Heeeeeeeath Miller
Cooley and Heath are both slow white guys, they both play in struggling offenses, and usually manage to pull 3 or 4 big time catches out of their ass. The difference? Cooley's wang has been on the internet. Heath's has not.
ADVANTAGE: $




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KICKERS
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Garrett Hartley vs. Robbie Gould
I hate kickers and I don't even know who the hell Garrett Hartley is, but when any liquored-up kicker stays in a dome and eats Lion points for dinner, he gets the edge over PSU a$$holes who now kick in the Windy City.
ADVANTAGE: TOMMY GUNS




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DEFENSES
-------------------------------
Baltimore vs. Green Bay
I still think its kind of ridiculous that $ continues to put all their eggs in the GB defense basket, when they allow an average of almost 25 pts/game. Sure, they lead all defenses with 7 touchdowns, but only 8 teams give up more yards than them, too. While everyone's favorite LeBeau Defense has already registered 47 sacks, the Pack are stuck on 23. They get the Bears this weekend, where we're hearing Orton's contract extension could be on the line. Packer D is the sole reason there will be no post-season in Cheesehead Land, and the sole reason there will be no trophy in Bupka Land.
ADVANTAGE: TOMMY GUNS




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COMMISSIONER'S FINAL CALL: TOMMY GUNS 127 $ 105
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CONFERENCE TITLE RECAPS!

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP
$ (8-6) at Steroids and Viagra™(9-5)
Rod Woodson Memorial Stadium
Moon Twp., PA 4:15pm

Four months ago, Senior Ownership Chairman J. Benjamin Bupka approached the Commish and lobbied hard for rookie Coach R. Porter III to fill one of the replacement slots in our fine league. Little did he know that Porter's powerhouse team, S&V, would roll to a 9-5 rookie record, and host his former friend in a fierce playoff matchup in the NFC Championship. Over the season, this rivalry developed into the fiercest one since Macho Man-Jake the Snake in '95. Unfortunately, one of these fine teams had to lose on Sunday.

For S&V, call it "hitting the rookie wall" if you want to. Maybe call it "freezing in the big game" or "pulling a LaDainian." S&V running back Frank Gore didn't have the heart to suit up, and wideout Anquan Boldin probably shouldn't have (30 yds and a fumble lost). Matt Cassel and his guardian angel put up an inspired effort, hanging 31 points on Oakland. While Tashard Choice made it uncomfortably close at the end, $'s offense was just too-much. The difference was that all of $'s big name guys came to play. Brees. Colston. Jones-Drew. All had double-digit points. And the ultimate back-breaker was Andre Johnson's un-worldly 200-yard day on Michael Griffin and that OVERRATED Titans defense (Porter).



Folks, apparently this year's one-sided rivalry continues. Golf (Bupka 23-1), Madden (Bupka 33-8), Stunning good looks (Bupka 1-0), and now RMU Playoff Dominance (Bupka 1-0). Congrats to S&V on a good season and look forward to more battles in '09. Now onto the game that really mattered:









AFC CHAMPIONSHIP
Straps of the Jock (8-6) at TOMMY GUNS (11-3)
FedEx.com Arena
Avalon, PA 8:15pm

When the league's two flagships are involved in a playoff game against eachother, the whole league pretty much stops what they're doing to watch. These two teams always seem to be on a collision course in one way or another, and when they duke it out, there's usually some good stories to tell your grandchildren. This year, both the TOMMY GUNS and the Straps of the Jock were battling to see who was going to take a shot at that elusive 4th Ring. One for the Pinky, if you will. And my friends, this was probably the best match we've seen in 7 freaking years. Either check it out on ESPN Classic tonight, or read the recap below. Just stunning stuff:

BALTIMORE, MARYLAND - 07:30p.m. EST
Fourth Quarter. Final minute. Not looking good for the defending champion Guns. Big Ben scrambles left.....waits....pumps....throws.....TOUCHDOWN! What a controversial score by Santonio, resulting in a minus-2 for Tommy's BALTI defense. Everyone's favorite team, the Tommy Guns, will take a measley 5-point lead (with nobody left) versus the Straps quarterback.



Earlier in the day, Coach Bunga benched NFL Legend Brett "The Gunslinger" Favre for Eli Manning, claiming it to be a genius move. Favre put up only 12 pts. Surely Eli could do just as well, or at least nail the 6 points needed for victory. I mean really, thats just spitting out 175 yards OR 1 touchdown, which he usually does BOTH by halftime.......Right?????




ARLINGTON, TEXAS - 11:15p.m. EST
5:00 - Let's pick it up in the Fourth Quarter. 14-8 Dallas. Eli is sucking! Only FOUR POINTS through 55 minutes. 5 minutes to go. 99-97, Guns.

3:30 - Dallas has the ball and is just beautifully milking the clock. Choice left, Choice right, Choice up the middle. Wow. Could this really happen?? 99-97, Guns.

3:10 - 3rd and 9. A big stop here would give Eli plenty of time, but Witten grabs an 11-yard pickup. 99-97, Guns.

2:30 - Crowd going nuts. Just sit on the ball, Tony! 99-97, Guns.

2:16 - Hand-off to Tashard Choice up the gut....and nobody tocuhes him! 38-yard TOUCHDOWN!! DAMMIT!!!! DISASTER!!!!!! Even Bupka (5-point lead) is starting to panic! Eli will get one more shot at nabbing 47 garbage yards. Since they are losing by 12, he's going to be slinging it. WHAT AN IDIOT! 99-97, Guns.



2:10 - Eli throws 10 yards to Steve Smith. That's enough for a point. 99-98, Guns.

2:09 - Sweat pouring everywhere. Dallas in a PREVENT!

2:00 - Pressure on Eli and....HE FUMBLES!!!! IT'S OVERRRR!!!!! DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRAC........wait. Somehow Dallas didn't recover, even though their fattest f*cking nose tackle fell right on it. F*cking Keith Boothe recovered. Another chance for Eli. 99-98, Guns.



1:34 - 2nd Down. Gilbride calls a draw. Moron. 30 seconds eaten off the clock. Could this be happening???????????????? 99-98, Guns.

1:13 - 3rd Down. Eli tosses it into the 1st row. Incomplete.

1:08 - 4th Down. This is it......for the G-Men.....for the Straps......NOPE.....Eli over the middle to Toomer. 14 yards. SHIT!!! TIE GAME, 99-99!!!!!!

0:46 - Eli to Hixon. 8 yards.

0:21 - Eli to Hixon. 6 yards.

0:21 - Bunga is 9 yards away from advancing RMU BOWL VII. Last plays coming up.....

0:21 - Now I know how Tom Brady felt last February....








0:07 - Eli heaves it 20 yards downfield to a wide open Domenik Hix..................INTERCEPTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TERRENCE NEWMAN!!! TERRENCE NEWMAN! INTERCEPTED!!! Long live the King!



0:00 - Romo kneels. Final score from Texas Stadium..........TOMMY GUNS 99, Straps of the Jock 97..........Eli Manning 3 lousy points!!!!! (Favre 12 LOL!!!!)

GIVE ME THE BLOOD, ELI! I WANT THE BLOOD!










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RMU BOWL VII
Sunday December 21, 2008.
$ (9-6) vs. TOMMY GUNS (12-3)
Raymond James Stadium, Tampa FL
Early Line: Guns -4.5

Can Bupka finally get his first ring?